Friction with Friends on Facebook
July 27, 2020
Paula Kaplan-Reiss
My world feels like a terrible place. We are in the midst of a pandemic, a first for most of the world’s inhabitants. The political climate is sharply divided, resulting in states making different decisions about wearing masks, reopening the economy and easing quarantine restrictions based on the political affiliations of their governors. Civil rights, racial conflicts, LGBTQ discrimination, and mistrust of police led to peaceful protests and, at times, violence and looting. Federal agents are being sent to protect federal property, leading to more unrest. I have never witnessed such intense feelings, both positive and negative, about our President. All can be read on Facebook.
I was in grade school in the late ’60s and early ’70s. My parents were Democrats and worked in education. I remember our den being patriotically decorated in red, white and blue, with a large portrait of JFK and a sampler displaying his famous quote, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you-ask what you can do for your country.’ A flag hung outside our home on the appropriate holidays. With the Vietnam War and Nixon’s disastrous second term, my den was tastefully redecorated, no longer representing national pride. Looking back on this time of Woodstock hippies, free love, anti-war and peace movements, I realize I was not exposed to adults who were for the Vietnam War or admired President Nixon. I was bathed in liberal thinking. With my mother’s subscription to Ms. Magazine, I believed in equal rights for women and our freedom of choice.
Now, in 2020, everyone I know is on social media, including many friends from elementary school. When I first joined Facebook, it was fun to reconnect with old classmates whom I had only seen at reunions. We shared pictures of family celebrations, vacations, milestones and losses of aging parents. All was congenial and everyone posted their best happy photos.
Then Trump became the Republican nominee for president. We heard about his desire to build a wall between Mexico and the U.S. to prevent drug dealers and rapists from illegally entering our country. I was sure others would be horrified by his platform. When he won the presidency, his supporters on Facebook became emboldened. “Give this man a chance!” “We need someone new running the government.” The Women’s March in Washington was called a premature overreaction. I held out some hope that Trump’s presidency would improve. His supporters kept pointing to the strong economy. But, we watched borders become tighter, desperate immigrants deported, children separated from their parents, transgender citizens disallowed from enlisting in the military, abortion rights questioned, and Trump boasting about “very fine people on both sides,” at a violent Neo-Nazi rally in Charlottesville, Virginia. I desperately missed Obama. Our country felt like it was going backwards. I began to communicate my concerns to my Facebook ‘friends.’
With this horrific pandemic, I was convinced that our joint fear and suffering would bring us all together. After a couple months self-quarantining, one ‘friend’ questioned the bravery of continuing to wear a mask when he was symptom free. He believed in our constitutional right to make our own decisions.
The murder of George Floyd, however, brought back the issues of racial profiling, Black Lives Matter, White Privilege and the inadequate training of our police officers. While most agreed Floyd was murdered, many disagreed that this represented a racial issue. Others posted articles about white people who were murdered by black people which weren’t publicized. Still others wanted our police force to be celebrated for the brave work they do. One man stated the race issue was a scam. I was baffled. I found myself in a heated argument with him. He belittled me. I shouldn’t have responded. We had little chance of changing each other’s minds. He ultimately unfriended me.
If there were no Facebook, would we have the courage to have these debates in person? Would we be as aware of the political leanings of others? Is it best to preach to the choir and unfriend all who disagree with us? Or should we actively engage in these conversations? Will our world continue to be divided by these centuries’ old issues? I have tried to communicate in a respectful way. I look for our common ground. My faith has been challenged. We live in a democracy. Will the strongest voices be heard? And who will listen?